Do I live in the UK or abroad?

Now this has been the question in the forefront of the minds of the DWP.  Apologies for those of you fighting DLA, but I have some problems of my own right now which are also a fight.  I beleive that the DWP just says "No" to everything, hoping that we won't appeal, but when we do, it ends up costing the government millions in legal fees when we overturn their rulings which they could have prevented in the first place.
My problem is with habitual residence.  Now, my appeal is set for 13th December in York.  I won't say much about the case as this could be read and I don't want that becoming an issue but I will say the following:

• I am representing myself. (Although might ask mum to go with me in case I get overwhelmed and emotional.)
• I have looked up all the legislation and have put together an appeal based on this; I was advised by a solicitor to put together as much paperwork as possible, because this is what legal people like.
• I am shitting myself.

I have never been to court in my life.  Although I have watched suey2's (http://diaryofabenefitscrounger.blogspot.co.uk/) banned video which although is geared towards ESA, I feel is still relevant. (SERIOUSLY? This was BANNED????)
I don't want to play on my psychiatric problems, but the fact that I don't is part of my mixed personality disorder (i.e. denial with a capital D).  However, I am terrified that I have missed something crucial in my defence.  I have sent a bundle of paperwork and have some more to add but still......
So I will be crapping myself in 6 weeks, plus have to take an afternoon off work to do it!!

Clock changes, CPN's and irritable mood

Yep, new technology is great but I was still unsure as to whether my phone would automatically update, plus mum's boyfriend changed all the other clocks in the house this morning which I wasn't expecting and so ended up being totally confused.
Last Tuesday, as promised by my GP, my referral to mental health services was met by a meeting with my CPN.  We went through my history (as much as we can in an hour) and she filled in all the paperwork blah blah blah.  She said that I would be discussed at their case meeting which was held on Thursday and she promised to telephone me when they had decided what would happen next.
In short, she told me that I was not a priority and that I would be "discharged" from their care.  I had explained that in my meeting that without ongoing support and not just being invited to attempt to get through on their "crisis" hotline, that I would very quickly become a priority but apparently preventative care is not somehting in their remit.
Prior to hearing back from her, I received a report from my Swiss Psychiatrist which arrived after the meeting with the CPN and prior to seeing my GP on Friday.  Although I could only summarise my diagnoseseseseses [sic] in my CPN meeting it perhaps would have been helpful for her to read this report prior to them making a decision about me.  The support I will now get will now consist of telephone helplines and self help groups (surprisingly there are a lack of these in York and from what I have heard, a waiting list.
So, back to my diagnosis. It should be explained that in Europe they tend to refer to the ICD-10 rather than the DSM-IV. From my (Swiss) Psychiatrist's report:

"My diagnostic impression was that of both a type II bipolar disorder and a personality disorder with both dependant and emotionally unstable features. The illness was complicated by both an alcohol binge drinking disorder and thyroid disease."

Hmmm....so far, pretty much what I knew, although the "personality disorder" is a new one on me.  Let's read further.....

"Diagnosis
Axis I Type II bipolar disorder (ICD-10 F31.8)
Alcohol abuse (binge drinking) (ICD-10 F10.1)
Axis II mixed personality disorder (dependant/emotionally unstable) (ICD-10 F61.0)
Axis III Hashimoto Thyroiditis
Axis IV Finances, relationships, familiy of origin
Axis V GAF:35-55"

OMFG.  It feels so strange to have this summarised so clearly.  During my treatment with Dr.I in Switzerland I had muddled in my mind the various clinical opinions offered to me and to where I "fitted" in.  But to finally have it summarised and obviously my mixed personality disorder has been in denial about some of the Axes, but subsequently I have been mulling over the fact whether this is useful or not.  Will the label control me, or do I control the label?  Do I need a label anyway? I find it interesting that with a physical illness we are usually fine with a diagnosis and the labelling of such so why am I questionning the same for a mental illness?
How about the GAF? (For those who have not heard of this, it is the "Global Assessment of Functioning, a numeric scale of 0-100).  An assessment of 35 - 55 falls into the following area :

51 - 60 Moderate symptoms (e.g., flat affect and circumstantial speech, occasional panic attacks) OR moderate difficulty in social, occupational, or school functioning (e.g., few friends, conflicts with peers or co-workers).

41 - 50 Serious symptoms (e.g., suicidal ideation, severe obsessional rituals, frequent shoplifting) OR any serious impairment in social, occupational, or school functioning (e.g., no friends, unable to keep a job).

31 - 40 Some impairment in reality testing or communication (e.g., speech is at times illogical, obscure, or irrelevant) OR major impairment in several areas, such as work or school, family relations, judgment, thinking, or mood (e.g., depressed adult avoids friends, neglects family, and is unable to work; child frequently beats up younger children, is defiant at home, and is failing at school).

Now this I can identify with. Interestingly, swiss psych says keep in touch and I can always talk to him/ask questions if I need some additional help.

As for the rest of my week:
Saw my GP Friday, gave him a copy of the report.  See him again in 3 weeks.
Helping my sister in the shop she manages as they are opening a new sales floor. Long days.
Increasing irritability at living at mum's.  It is not her fault and I am finding myself taking a deep breath before I say anything so that I don't come across at annoyed at everything she says, but I am finding it very difficult.
Feeling low and upset; particular incidents which have affected me include hearing that it is snowing where I used to live in Switzerland and buying the wrong curtains for my sister's shop as I misunderstood her.  Wise mind says it's just miscommunication/snow, it's no big deal but MY mind is not rational so I have been feeling that I have done something wrong and that everyone back in Switzerland are having a great time and will be skiing within the week (not true, the snow will melt before it comes back).  I cannot get these repetitive thoughts out of my head.  Also, I have been feeling some detachment - my hands have seemed to not be of my own and I keep imagining I see someone out of the corner of my eye.  Plus I was pricing up some Crystals today and it felt like they were trying to convey something to me.  Mind you, I did take my medication really late today so I am putting it down to this. I am also extremely tired from all the hours I have been working for my sister and am worried that I will never handle working full time in my new job (which starts on 5th November).
So, in summary I am exhausted, emotional, unreal and anxious.  Not a bad week really.

Psychiatrist report

A while back, I asked my Psychiatrist in Switzerland whether he would write a report for my GP over here which he could then refer to the mental health team.  Well bless him, my Psych sent it to me today to "proof read" his english before he sends it!
While I am familiar with my diagnosiseseseseses, this report summarises 5 years plus of Psychiatric treatment and contained some gems which were hinted at but I didn't want to ask what the label was.
It is interesting reading.
I may share some more of this once I have taken the report in more fully.
But it sounds so like me, even if I didn't realise that someone else knew.  It's like he has read my diary.

Settling into the system

Progress - I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never in a million years thought I would get it but it is an admin post at a local educational establishment with a high reputation. I somehow managed to get a first interview and although was terrified I resigned myself to the fact that it would be useful interview experience.  It is a much lower level job in terms of responsibility from what I had in this department before but I decided it was probably better to start again.  Two days after the interview I had a phone call from them when I was in an appointment with Mind and they offered me the job!  Well I have to say I was in tears when I put the phone down - after six months applying I managed to blag it and get the opportunity.  I go in  tomorrow to meet the team and start at the beginning of November.

Of course, while the environment seems really friendly and more casual than I have worked in before, I am still nervous that I won't be up to it.  I am also worried that when I return my medical questionnaire that they will then know my mental health issues and regret their decision.  I voiced my concerns with my (lovely) GP and he reassured me that because they have offered me the job, they would have to have damn good reasons for withdrawing the offer based on my medical questionnaire because of the discrimination laws.  They seem quite a forward thinking department though.  So we'll see.

In the meantime I have signed up for an ECDL computer course which I have been whizzing through and it will help refresh my computer knowledge ready for my job.

As for Lovely GP, he has referred me to the mental health team and I meet my CPN next week to start sorting out a care/crisis plan, which was a quicker appointment than I thought I would get.  Lovely GP will also see me next week to check up on how I am.  Because my GP in Hastings took me off the contraceptive pill I have been really worrying about getting pregnant (not that I have had any form of relationship since returning to the UK) but Dr H went through different options with me and am now on the mini-pill but I am thinking of changing to an implant.  Of course, he says it would be very difficult to find someone to sterilise me although he agrees that this clearly impacts on my mental health.  Sorry to all you male readers of my blog, just something I had to get off my chest.

At the end of last week I went to visit my friend from Switzerland who has a house near her parents in Doncast...sorry....Doncatraz.  I stayed a couple of nights and we had a lot of fun, chatted until the early hours, went window shopping and all in all it was lovely.  I miss her because she is so practical and great for advice.

I am hoping that the recent turn of events means that I will start to have a run of good luck and am feeling more positive than I have in a long time and my mood seems to be stabilising.  I have been having a lot of off days and a lot of hypo days and some hyper days (although this has meant I have raced through DIY projects and cleaning at my mums (where I am still living).  I have also been helping my sister out as she manages a fair trade shop so I have been checking stock, pricing and cleaning as she is permanently short staffed.